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Check out this excellent post on the science of love and romance.

It’s Everyone’s Favorite Holiday! – J M Beal.

via It's Everyone's Favorite Holiday! – J M Beal.

“The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.” – FDR

True enough, since fear is the basis for almost everything we do. Fear reactions.

This post is going to be a little meta, but hopefully not too rant-filled.

“Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to Hate. Hate leads to the Dark Side.” – Yoda

Master Yoda is getting closer to the heart of the matter. I have a background in psychology. This gem of Jedi wisdom is very close to some of the things I used to talk about with the women in the group therapy for whom I was the assistant leader.. (We also discussed the biology and psychology of addiction, but that’s a different post.)

Humans, when they are scared — for whatever reason –, produce adrenaline. This is what increases your pulse, widens your eyes, speeds your breathing, and sharpens your processing of everything around you. Your body sends blood to the muscles that need it most. You are ready to run or fight. This is the basic physical response to anxiety.  It is not something conscious.

What is conscious, is our reaction to this stimulation. Our fear receptors are activated. Our conscious mind analyzes the environment and decides that we are clear to stand down because it was just a popping balloon. We might even laugh it off or smile at the over-reaction. Or it decides that we need to run — RIGHT FRACKING NOW — because that was a gun-shot and we need to be under cover. Or it decides that we need to run straight at that knife-wielding idiot because he is threatening our child and we’ll be damned if we’re not going to take him down now while he’s startled at our violent response. This decision is in a fraction of an instant for most people. (Though many people state that the perception of time slows down in these high-stress situations.)

But what happens when the fear is not something we can physically see or react to? What if the fear is being drummed up by a media story, or a random firing of our own brain? What if it’s a low-grade fear that we’re going to lose the one thing most precious to us? What then?

This is also the gnawing fear of self-doubt. The crippling sense that we’re not good enough. That what we’ve produced is not good enough.

What happens then? Then, the fear turns into poison. It nibbles at the back of your brain in a little voice. And that little irritation is a constantly running zip of adrenaline. We don’t even notice it anymore, until our body, which is primed for action, says we need to act. But our conscious brain looks around and says, well, there’s nothing happening right now. But George just left my cube after talking about the project. I must be upset.

But we don’t interpret it as fear. We’re not afraid of George after all. Maybe we’re afraid he’ll go to the boss, or he’ll railroad the project into the ground. So we defend ourselves mentally. We’re angry. We’re angry that George is going to scuttle all of our hard work. God damn that man. He is always getting in the frelling way. He never listens to anything.

I HATE THAT MoFo.

Or not. Maybe I’m just cranky because I’m scared from something else. I’m scared that I’ve screwed up everything and now everyone’s going to know. I always frack up things. I’m a piece of trash and I know it. I HATE MYSELF.

Every time we hear a report about bad things happening in our area, we get scared. We attend to media — in all of its forms — because that media helps us protect ourselves. So what happens when the message we get from that media is that extremists (who are scared of difference) are fighting? We internalize the fear that those extremists who hate what we love are going to come for us. We hype up the need to fight against them. We HATE them because they are going to come after us for what we believe. And we are right!

But what if we aren’t? A little voice whispering, tremulous, in the back of our minds asks us, “what if they’re right and we’re wrong?” And we build up that little fear until it’s hidden under righteous anger. We’re right — they’re wrong!

And we build our barricade of FEAR.

There is a way to decrease that fear through creative media. We can confront the fear in horror movie. We can purposefully scare ourselves on a roller coaster. We can write a play about warring factions coming together at a wedding. We can write a novel about two dying teenagers. Or we can dive into those stories as a viewer, a reader, an intrepid explorer of emotional depths.

We cry. We scream. We jump. We fall in love.

And the fear fades.

Catharsis.

Crossposted on The Art of Procrastination.

So, it’s Alice in Wonderland‘s 150th Anniversary and I am going to milk it for all I’m worth. Such as pointing out that there’s a dormouse in the Mad Tea Party. And he is as sweet as he should be.

Sadly, these dormice are vulnerable to habitat loss. (the Life Neurotic)

That is a utter shame. Look at this little face. How can you not want to protect him?

Work to preserve hedgerows and bramble bushes. Please.

Cherry Blossom Express has now wended its way through the labyrinth of distribution and is now available on major on-line retailers across the world.

Amazon
Kobo
nook
even Espresso books.

And, given the distribution channel, most booksellers should be able to order it. So, feel free to ask at your local bookshop.

I’m thrilled!

Less thrilled that it took this long, but hey, can’t have everything right?

Not everything in this business is under the control of the principals. JM and I do not have control over whether or not our books show up on sites. We really don’t. We have a distribution agreement. So, the files are under review.

They’ve been under review for almost a month now.

For validation.

Amazon? 24 hours and you’re validated and moving forward. It hurts my little, black, shriveled soul to say positive things about a company that I don’t trust in the least. (Or rather, I trust it to always have its own best interests at heart. Those interests and mine may or may not coincide.)

But right now, major distribution company? I am being forced to compare you unfavorably to Amazon. This is *not* how you want your user base to react. You are making me and my company look bad. And you are charging me money for this service. Right now? I despise you.

I don’t have a huge number of anger triggers. My number one trigger? Incompetence. I hate it when people do not do what they are supposedly hired to do. If I hire a plumber, I expect that the pipes he put in will not leak. When I hire a carpenter, the box better not fall apart. When I hire a distribution company, they better actually distribute the god damned books.

*deep breath*

So, lessons learned: Give the distribution company an extra-long time to do their thing. They are useful, but not swift, nor are they efficient.

This first book has been an excellent learning tool. I’m learning about distribution. JM is learning about file creation. We’re both learning that everything is just a little more expensive than it was during our research phase because no one tells you everything you need to know in this business. (Cut throat, shark infested, welcoming, and swamped. The book business is like the antiques business. Friendliness is encouraged, but you must at all times look out for your own interests. Nicest people you ever want to meet unless you’re in the middle of a deal and then all bets are off. We all love the same things, but it’s a very competitive business. Huh… and I used to think that the HP fans in my life were blowing smoke when they sorted me into Slytherin. *grins*)

The thing is, no matter how much I kvetch? I still love it. I love creating the content. I love reading the slush. (look for our new page: quotes from the slush read) I even love arguing about what contracts say.

Non, je ne regrette rien.

Cross-posted to The Art of Procrastination

I am only at 8.5K words for NaNoWriMo right now.

I should be at 35K by the end of the day.

So, right, that’s not happening today. I need to kick out about 4K per day to catch up. Four sessions a day at 1K each will do that. (Please imagine that in a cheerful tone with an overly bright smile.)

I haven’t lost a Nano in a few years, but it used to happen all the time. I am an excellent sprint writer. I can write 40K or more in a weekend. I am not particularly good about daily discipline. But I generally do hit deadlines, barring catastrophes. (I once lost 8K words right before the end of November. I was nearly in tears.)

The project I’m working on has a turn in date of late November of next year, to go into production in January. And when I’m doing sprints with my friends, I have actually managed to work on it consistently. It’s just that it’s not the project I really want to be working on right now. Give me a deadline and I will show you fifteen other projects that are just *so much more shiny*.

I’ve never forced myself to not work on a project though. As long as I hit my deadlines, I am always let myself also work on a new shiny. I’ve started a short story, worked on a chapter of a new series possibility, and worked on editing the project that’s got a January turn in. Standard wisdom is that you should focus only on your NaNo project during the month. December is for editing. Great idea.

I have deadlines to hit though. I have a January turn in for my next novel (which needs massive edits). I’ve got 2 books to edit for other people and I have a short story to edit for a friend. I’ve got a 9 to 5. I’ve got 2 businesses to monitor and pay for. And I’ve got a marketing campaign to manage.

I’m glad and I am stressed and I am happier than I’ve ever been. If I could simply add in a little more travel, I’d be a completely happy person. There’s only one way to do that: lose the 9 to 5. That means making a minimum of at least $5,000 a month. (I live in an expensive area. One of the businesses pays most of its own bills now, but the other does not.) This blog is probably going to start including a few more posts on how to drag money out of on-line sources and advertising as well as kvetching about writing deadlines and random music videos.

I will be adding Alice in Wonderland items in the future. There’s a book on collectables coming at some point. (When I get off my rear and actually write it and take photos for it.)

I’ve also been learning JavaScript.

Um, discipline. That’s right, this was about discipline and hitting your marks and never, ever letting the bastards see you sweat.