Who is Ashley, you ask? I thought this was Kate’s blog. Well, that’s true enough. I’ve asked Ashley here because she has one of the most adorable books coming out: Meet Abby. Which you should order. *nods firmly* I didn’t know she was a Justice League lover, I may need to re-evaluate our friendship. And poutine is amazing. Don’t listen to her.
Kate asked me to do a guest post this week for her blog. So here I am.
Hello. I’m Ashley Voris and I’m a local author. I didn’t know what to write. Seriously. I had no
clue. On my blogs, I’m writing and publishing my first book. (Shameless plug). I though about
various topics that revolve around my book, but I get a bit ranty. After staring at my screen for
several hours, I have decided to let you take a peak into my ADD brain. Why? Because. No other
reason. Just because. So here you go. More information about me that you really wanted to know
set in the style of one of those types of poem thingies where you start out with a letter and you pick
a word that describes you or something like that. Kate will know what I mean and will edit
accordingly or add the answer in italics.
A
is for allergies. I have terrible seasonal allergies. Everything is pollinating and spreading sperm everywhere. It isn’t fair. I think it is rather inconsiderate of trees. I think they should ask. What if I didn’t want to breathe their pollen. Bad touch! Trees are jerks.
B
is for beignets. God these things are delicious. I haven’t made these in a while. I should fix that.
Deep fried dough topped in powdered sugar? Such a delicious mess. Am I right?
C
is for coffee. Gift from the writing gods. How else do I survive NaNoWriMo? Tea is great and
all, but it isn’t coffee. There was a time when I was told I couldn’t drink coffee ever again. I was
devastated. Thankfully, it was only for a short amount of time. I may have lost my mind if I could
never drink coffee ever again. Can you imagine?
D
is for dog. I love big mutts and I cannot lie. Not small dogs. Anything under 30lbs is not for me.
I love big drooly dogs.
E
is for exterminate. I shout this as I chase after my cats with a plunger and a whisk. (If you don’t
get that reference, I feel sad for you.)
F
is for my favorite four letter word. I love that word. I use it as much as I can and in everything I
write…..huh?…..I’m talking about the word FAVA. What word are you thinking about?
G
is for giraffe…..I like giraffes. Ricky Gervais went off on this trophy hunter chick that posted a
picture of herself with a dead giraffe. It was killing for the sake of killing. You can’t eat it. What
was the point of killing the poor creature?
H
is for Holy hell this is going to be a long blog post.
I
is for ice cream. I can’t really eat it and that makes me sad. But I do anyway and that makes me
happy but also really sick.
J
is for Justice League. Batman is the best followed by Wonder Woman. Superman can suck
kryptonite. Ooooohhhh…..thems fightin’ words!
K
is for kitties. The biggest distraction on the internet. I can’t tell you how often I find myself in
youtube watching funny kitty videos. They are so cute. And I want a basket of them all wearing
kitty bow ties and……*cries*….I’m sorry…..I just love kitties.
L
is for lack of focus. Have you ever tried to write a 50K novel when you have ADD? I’m like
Doug on the movie “Up”. “Hello. I just met you and I love you SQUIRRLE!”.
M
is for mating, which is what the trees are trying to do right now with all the pollen they are
shooting into the air which them goes into my nose and lungs causing me to suffer from asthma.
Also, the yellow sheen on my car is gross, guys. Get your crap together trees!
N
is for NaNoWriMo. One month to write 50,000 words. 30 days. Do you know how difficult that
is to do? How many cups of coffee? A month of sleepless nights trying to get your freaking
characters to follow the outline but they refuse and run amok in your story causing total
mayhem…..my characters are jerks.
O
is for ocean.
P
is for poutine. What the hell is poutine? It sounds gross.
Q
is for Quebec which is in Canada where poutine is made. What is this stuff???
R
is for reading. I love to read. It is my favorite thing to do other than eating and sleeping. I love
reading. My favorite book is “The Little Prince”. It is so good. I’m going to get a tattoo of the fox
at some point in time. It is on my list.
S
is for sneezing which is what I constantly do because trees are jerks. My cat, Lady Niblet of the
Chubby Cheeks, and I get into sneezing contests. She’s a Persian and had a smooshie face so she
has allergies too.
T
is for tattoos. I love tattoos. I need a new tattoo. I have a few of them right now, but I need more.
I want a literary tattoo. I have one in my head. I need an artist to bring it to life. Then I want a
nebula half sleeve, and a Star Trek one, and a Star Wars one, and a Dr. Who one, and a Batman
one, and a Beatles one….. I have a whole pinterest board dedicated to tattoos. I’m addicted.
U
is for Under Pressure. That is the current song playing on my iPod. Once, I was headed to a
friends out and it was beautiful out so I had the windows down. I was blaring this song and the
beginning of it came on right at the time I stopped at a light. Some Douche Canoe honked at me
and asked me why I was listening to “Ice Ice Baby”. I said some not so nice things and turned up
the song really really loud.
V
is for Voris. That’s my last name. Not my maiden name. I changed it when I got married. My
husband is from the Van Voorhees clan which is either one of the largest or THE largest Dutch
family in America.
W
is for wine. I like wine. I can’t have white wine because I’m allergic to white grapes. A
restaurant tried to kill me not to long ago. They mixed white wine in their red wine sangria and
added cherry syrup for sweetness. One would THINK that red wine sangria is red wine only.
Nowhere on their menu was it listed that was an ingredient. I wasn’t happy.
X
is for……x ray?Xylophone? I got nothing.
Y
is for yippee! This is almost over! I’m losing my steam, guys. Seriously. I’m sitting in Starbucks
listening to Taylor Swift while trying to focus long enough to finish this thing.
Z
is for the Zyrtec I have to take because trees are jerks. I hate spring.
So there you have it. If anything you have wasted the last few minutes reading my literary ADD. I
hope this post finds you well. I kinda stink at closings so you can choose from the following:
Gerominooooooo!
Be kind to each other and party on dudes!
Live long and prosper.
My the force be with you.
There is no Dana, only Zuul.
BitterSuites 